i permit you to call me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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