we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
