shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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