I smell stomach acid.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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