Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is the high leading the old right now
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
