remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
50% drunk capacity currently
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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