On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He passed out mid-signature
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
