Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'd cum for enchiladas.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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