I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
