Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
