I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
