But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
