Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
