My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
