So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i think im in europe. pls send help
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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