I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you traded sex for a burrito?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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