i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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