Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We are two peas in an std pod
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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