Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
