i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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