how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
