did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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