the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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