best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
