found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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