i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
