you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
