why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
