Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
