If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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