I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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