You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
