She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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