dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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