True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
