i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
