I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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