Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
