If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
