And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize