The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
