I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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