He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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