Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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