They should really pass out barf bags in church
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My life is pants optional.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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