You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
