Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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