dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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