I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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