You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
