I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
