So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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