I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
