I'm gonna have a badass scar
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
