Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
