Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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