people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
