U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
