She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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