She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
