I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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