420 ftw
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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