We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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