What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
