I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
They have beer where we have blood.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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