he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
