Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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