can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
