so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
