see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
