As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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