oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
