I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i will never coherently bang her
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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